ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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