i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
