I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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