i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
