are you still at the devil's house?
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
