they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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