I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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