Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
my being single is dangerous.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
