Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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