I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
