i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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