You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
