He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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