the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
