Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
