Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
