I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
