if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
