I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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