There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
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You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize