Whod you bang
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
