i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
