My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I made him laugh his dick is mine
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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