whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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