and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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