love makes seman taste better
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
