Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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