R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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