My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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