Betty ford says i'm here all night
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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