my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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