never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
