It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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