I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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