I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
