I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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