I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
