just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
