is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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