For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
