i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
