The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I touched a dick in church today
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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