Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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