OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Randomize
