Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
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I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
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How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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