I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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