Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Will you blow on my dice?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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