Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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