I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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