two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
