he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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