Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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