I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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