cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
