Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
