i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
