You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
