Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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