She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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