My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just want to make out with him forever
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
i need some magic done to my vagina
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
