we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
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