It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
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