We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
