Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
