I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
