girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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